Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
