My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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