i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
