I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
