I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
