yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
