my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You made out with two different species that night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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