There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
