Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You are the jesus of drinking
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