No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
