I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
