after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
