I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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