No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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