i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
