dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
