Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
