i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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