i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
