Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize