Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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