I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
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Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have tasted many bathrooms
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