guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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