whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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