My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your penis caused this!
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