The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize