I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
