I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize