Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
