she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
