I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
