Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
