mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize