my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And then he peed in my hair
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