I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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