He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
