So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
