I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
