my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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