I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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