her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
