There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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