Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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