You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
