i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
