I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
