I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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