Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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