The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
