Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.

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  (404): Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one. http://tfl.nu/q7a8
  Replies (2) Good night (2821) Bad night (591)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Thanks for getting me home last night.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

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  (281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp
  Replies (29) Good night (9257) Bad night (1260)
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  (619): View more from California

  He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.

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  (619): He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated. http://tfl.nu/4d8a
  Replies (6) Good night (2580) Bad night (1206)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.

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  (608): She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend. http://tfl.nu/4mn4
  Replies (2) Good night (2248) Bad night (701)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!

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  (765): Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you! http://tfl.nu/2ivd
  Replies (5) Good night (1793) Bad night (683)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  "It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  You have found the Promised Land of friend zones

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  (901): "It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome. (1-901): You have found the Promised Land of friend zones http://tfl.nu/0f4w
  Replies (3) Good night (1342) Bad night (771)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi

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  (321): Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi http://tfl.nu/jeyc
  Replies (3) Good night (587) Bad night (1077)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick

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  (319): He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick http://tfl.nu/akxs
  Replies (6) Good night (410) Bad night (1029)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week

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  (303): The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week http://tfl.nu/55dt
  Replies (2) Good night (379) Bad night (634)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.

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  (732): I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already. http://tfl.nu/laji
  Replies (2) Good night (571) Bad night (293)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned

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  (214): hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned http://tfl.nu/ixc1
  Replies (2) Good night (564) Bad night (306)
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  (914): View more from New York

  If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude

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  (914): If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude http://tfl.nu/4fbw
  Replies (2) Good night (943) Bad night (361)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited

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  (419): Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited http://tfl.nu/eyjk
  Replies (3) Good night (884) Bad night (414)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices

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  (850): Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices http://tfl.nu/ay6e
  Replies (0) Good night (575) Bad night (258)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF

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  (443): IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF http://tfl.nu/73a0
  Replies (0) Good night (395) Bad night (178)

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