wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.