Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.

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  (408): I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class. http://tfl.nu/di0h
  Replies (14) Good night (6890) Bad night (1384)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face

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  (304): I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face http://tfl.nu/lyd3
  Replies (10) Good night (3350) Bad night (775)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.

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  (770): She is just riding on my slutty coat tails. http://tfl.nu/ci3j
  Replies (6) Good night (2332) Bad night (974)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.

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  (301): I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost. http://tfl.nu/jb2u
  Replies (15) Good night (4285) Bad night (941)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring

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  (860): Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring http://tfl.nu/m17v
  Replies (4) Good night (1865) Bad night (776)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  please bring me a paper towel asap.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.

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  (540): please bring me a paper towel asap. (540): I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do. http://tfl.nu/d1je
  Replies (10) Good night (3753) Bad night (736)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.

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  (704): We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms. http://tfl.nu/m17c
  Replies (6) Good night (3078) Bad night (623)
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  (408): View more from California

  He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.

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  (408): He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend. http://tfl.nu/9uge
  Replies (3) Good night (620) Bad night (1059)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?

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  (423): There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night? http://tfl.nu/kr4w
  Replies (2) Good night (646) Bad night (1229)
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  (771): View more from

  i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.

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  (771): i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey. http://tfl.nu/c3n2
  Replies (11) Good night (562) Bad night (1171)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.

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  (218): Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else. http://tfl.nu/z0p4
  Replies (3) Good night (398) Bad night (818)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?

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  (616): my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun? http://tfl.nu/vevn
  Replies (3) Good night (543) Bad night (686)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.

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  (440): Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis. http://tfl.nu/4osl
  Replies (4) Good night (810) Bad night (310)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Where's Taylor bro?

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Never mind found him under the sink

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  (864): Where's Taylor bro? (864): Never mind found him under the sink http://tfl.nu/2ttk
  Replies (0) Good night (751) Bad night (335)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna

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  (416): 7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna http://tfl.nu/ilm9
  Replies (2) Good night (303) Bad night (440)

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