Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened