Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my shit smells like andre
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
