you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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