Will you blow on my dice?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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