AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
