just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
