Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
