In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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