Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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