you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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