Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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