Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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