He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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