Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
