after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
