I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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