So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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