i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
