dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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