and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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