We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
