Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
