Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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