I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
