Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
where am i from again
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I party with great urgency now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
