I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
