Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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