I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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