What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
