3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
They have beer where we have blood.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
