Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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