I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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